The Little Miss Project (click on the link to watch the where it all started) was noticed by Sugarland themselves within hours of Erica posting the video. Thousands of views and comments flooded in. Sugarland challenged each one of us to create our own video. Our own Little Miss Project.
I hate being on video. And if I was I might start bawling.
So for me, here is my Little Miss Project.
I was two days old when I was adopted. My mom loved me and that's why she gave me up. I don't regret it. It's hard sometimes, for me, to see her with her two little girls now, and think about the jerk who let my mom get pregnant and then left her. With me. It's hard to see her picture and think she's the woman who gave me life. But she had choices and she made the right decision. I still love her no matter what.
When I was 9 when my friend died of cancer. I didn't know how to grieve. I was still a kid. I couldn't figure out how to cope with loosing her to this deadly disease.
I was 11 when the closest friend I've ever had was shot accidentally and died. She was 16. I was still figuring out how to deal with the first death and then this one. I didn't know how to handle the heartbreak.
I never pulled myself through that one. She was my best companion, my standing shoulder, I needed her there.
A few months after I found my saving grace. My aunt moved down to say with us while she was having problems with her back. Although she was always there for me to talk to, she was always sad and I knew I couldn't help her, which didn't make me feel any better. When she went back home after staying with us for 5 months last January, I couldn't bare it. I found myself crying myself to sleep because I felt so lost and alone without her by my side.
The next week I met a little girl who would change my life. Her name is Taylor Love. And from her I would learn about love and heartbreak. She had cancer. She's on her third relapse now. It's so scary, so stressful, every day is like a lifetime when she's fighting for her life in the hospital. This last week she went unconscious and was unresponsive.. we thought we had lost her.
Taylor took me through a lot of hardships I still didn't know how to handle. I'm the kind of person who wants to help everybody. Do whatever I can and it kills me when I can't do anything.
Taylor has helped me branch out in a way, to other kids with cancer. But it hasn't helped to heal my heavy heart. It makes me more stressed, more vulnerable.
In the summer of 2010, 3 of these kids passed away. Ages 9, 5, and 3. Within a few weeks of them 3 of my other close friends passed away. 6 girls I knew passed away within a month of each other. I practically shut myself out from the world. If I didn't know better I would admit to you I was clinically depressed for about 3 months. I didn't go to school. I was sick all the time. I would hurt myself, the physical pain distracting from the mental pain.
After getting over that I was thrown back into reality with a death of another little gal with lung cancer. Two months later my standing rock of salvation died as well.
I wouldn't let myself believe any of it. I blocked out the pain. I put a wall around my heart and didn't let myself love anyone for quite a while.
Through all of the depression I became an emotional eater and I gained a ton of weight. I was constantly teased at school and was never included. I was picked on because of who I was, who I hung out with, and no one believed that I could accomplish anything.
This is when the Little Miss single came out.
I would spend nights in my room bawling as I played the "Hold On" part over, and over, and over again.
I was:
Little Miss I give up
Little Miss it's not worth the fight
Little Miss I'm not worth it
Little Miss I can't be loved
Little Miss why would anyone care about me
Little Miss who cares about my dreams, my accomplishments, what I want
Little Miss I get scared of who I see in the mirror
Little Miss I only smile on the outside
Little Miss people don't see me for me
Little Miss I'm afraid I'll loose everything I love
That's changed <3
Because I am loved.
And I'm stronger than I look on the outside.
Every time I fall flat on my face I will get back up.
You will never see me loose part of myself.
I won't give up the fight.
I promise.
It's something that sometimes you have to remind yourself of. That you're stronger than they think you are. That you're better than them. Things haven't really changed. My girls are still gone. I'm still picked on. Even just last month my grandma died and that left a huge hole in my heart. But sometimes you gotta loose until you win. And one of these days you start winning. And you might fall. But I will NEVER give up. No matter what comes my way. I've over come more than I ever thought I could. That's who I am. That's my test.
But I am loved.
So are you.
By me.
I love you.
I'm okay.
Little Miss big ole heart beats WIDE OPEN she's ready now for LOVE
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
It's about impossible for them to read this, but maybe, if there's a chance, Jennifer and Kristian, thank you for the song Little Miss. For showing us we are LOVED. And we always will be. Thank you for inspiring us with not only Little Miss but the rest of your music, and with your amazing personalities. We look up to you. We love you.
Little Miss Erika
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