WOW. Last night was AMAZING. Cami Buckley and I went to the Sugarland concert together. Wow.

We left about 2, got about a half hour away then realized we forgot the tickets. Yes, talent people we are. We turned around and picked up our tickets from my mom who met us about half way. Our car pulled up to Usana at about 4. Cami and I hopped out and got in line for the pit. About 4 groups were ahead of us. We found my friends Missy, Alisha, and Ericka, then went around to the different radio booths to do their little prize wheels. Niether of us won anything (; but it was a lot of fun.

They let us into the pit at about 6. We stood there for a few minutes, then Cami helped me pick out a new tour shirt. When we got back to our spots, everyone was getting out of the pit. It was pouring down rain and the wind was insane. Security had to escort us out of the pit because of the winds, and we stood in the seated area of the arena for about a half hour. Then they let us back into the pit right before the concert was about to start. It hadn't stopped raining but the winds had died down. It was on and off pouring for about 45 minutes until the concert started, which was about the same time Sugarland was supposed to come on.

Canaan Smith waved at me, Lauren Alaina pointed at me and then signed ILU. When Kristian and Jenn came out, Jenn looked right at me and mouthed "it's you!" I tweeted her later about that and she said she remember me from Twitter and the last concert when I had my LMP sign about losing my best friend at Indy. EEEEEEP.

We had a sign that read "We love J&K!" During Wide Open, which is what they openned with, Jenn pointed at me during "come feel the love on the inside." And then, during Settlin', Kristian pointed RIGHT AT MY FACE and sang "Find what it means to be the world, who changed her mind and changed the world." AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Then during Little Miss, K walked over to stand in front of me and reached out his hand, and I held it while he sang "breathe in... breathe out...." just like last year. AMAZING. I about died. Jenn was SOOOO cute with her baby bumb. It was amazing.

We had won a meet and greet, but it was canceled because of the rain and wind. It was so sad! I wish I had been able to meet them again, but it was okay. I bet Cami would have died, so I wish I could've seen her meet them, but it worked out amazingly. I met so many great new friends and had such a great time.

Pictures to come!

Love you guys MUCHO!

Little Miss Erika

Boston, Atlanta, BBY, Vegas, Jana Kramer, Katie!!!

Wow. It's been so long since I've blogged! I'm sorry about that.... my life has been insane! I was only home 5 out of the 31 days in July, and school started like a week later.... so I haven't had too much time to get online as is. I'm sorry....

Take off at LGA

Well, July started for me with a nine day to MA, RI, ME, CT, RI, NJ, and GA. INSANE! I posted a little bit about Boston, but Atlanta was really the highlight of our trip. We went on a two hour tour with the airport manager of Hartsfield-Jackson Atlanta Airport. AMAZING. She took us to the repair hangers, out of the tarmac, down to the runways.... pretty much all across the airport. Then we took a FOUR HOUR tour with Delta operators. We went up to the control tower, saw the baggage procedures for checked bags, behind the scenes of the terminals, the Operations Control Center at Delta Headquarters, and I GOT TO FLY A SIMULATOR. A multi-million dollar simulator! I flew a 767 and successfully landed at New York. I also got to fly the approach the terrorists would have flown into the trade towers on 9/11. That was scary. But absolutely amazing.

We got home from that trip on a Wednesday and the next Monday I was off to BBY. BBY is a camp for LDS young women, kind of like RFG that I went to last year. Though BBY was MUCH better, in my opinion. We did lots of service projects, heard lots of speakers, ect. It was really hard for me to go the first couple days because I had just lost a close friend of mine. I'm really glad I went though. I got put in an amazing ground with amazing girls and an even better counselor.

After BBY I took a trip to Las Vegas with my dad. It was his father's day present... I paid for the entire trip. EXPEEENNNSIVEEEE. But worth it. We had a lot of fun.

The week after we got home was the Jana Kramer concert!!! I MET HER. UHM. WHAT. I love her...

The week after that..... I FINALLY MET KATIE ARMIGER. I have a huge post for this. So keep your eyes open. Because as soon as I get a minute to write it all down.. you'll be the first ones to know.

I started high school this week. It's a lot of fun. Hard classes, but awesome (:

LOVE YOU! Thank you for visiting my blog after SO long of not posting!

Erika

It'll be alright again.

"For death is no more than a turning of us over from time to eternity."

-William Penn

“Love is how you stay alive, even after you are gone.” 

-Mitch Albom

"No one can confidently say that he will still be living tomorrow."

 -Euripides

“To the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure.” 

-J. K. Rowling

“Death ends a life, not a relationship.” 

-Mitch Albom

“We're all human, aren't we? Every human life is worth the same, and worth saving.”  

-J. K. Rowling

“I’m here. I love you. I don’t care if you need to stay up crying all night long, I will stay with you. There’s nothing you can ever do to lose my love. I will protect you until you die, and after your death I will still protect you. I am stronger than Depression and I am braver than Loneliness and nothing will ever exhaust me.” 

-Elizabeth Gilbert

 That last quote - that was one that my big sister hung on her wall since she was about 12 and I was 10. At least once a week, if not daily, she would text it to me, repeat it to me, something, to remind me she would always love me. I can't think of a time in my life she wouldn't tell me of that quote. It was her favorite. And what I held on to when she was in her comatose. Unfortunately, she wasn't able to protect me until I died. But rather I was her safe haven her last few moments.

The pulled the plugs on her life support system yesterday around 3pm. They held onto her until I was able to get home from the airport and was able to see her before they took her in to have her organs donated. Doctors, you know, they don't know everything. Sometimes it feels though they're treating a person as a bunch of parts. There were organ specialists and brain surgeons and neurological scientists around her as they took her away. Like they were going to dissect her one part at a time until there was nothing else to take from her carcass. 

I won't lie. It was traumatic. I didn't believe she was dead. How could I? It would destroy me. They took me into the room she was waiting in to say goodbye. I was alone, as the family had already had their time with her. I watched as her chest raised gently up and down, and her heart thumped gently beneath her skin. But I knew it was all fake. It was due to the wires, the machines, the medical ways to keep her organs functioning until she was truly dead. I weaved my hand into hers and kissed her cheek. Told her all the things I'd been holding back... reliving all the memories and telling her all the things that would be different without her. They sometimes say that people who come out of comas recall what was told to them during their coma. I like to think maybe she was listening to what I had to say. I combed through her hair with my fingers and rested my head on her chest like I always did when we would stay up late watching movies together. I cried.

It was about ten minutes I was in there until I was finally strong enough to pick myself up and walk away, not daring to look back. I went to her family in the waiting room, hugged and mourned with them for a few minutes. Then the doctors called that they were taking her into surgery if anyone wanted a final goodbye. Her family went in to watch them take her off of the machine, but I slipped out of the hospital, fast as I could, and ran home, tears filling my eyes to the brim that I could hardly see. 

I felt like I was watching myself in a movie, or having my life played out in a book.

 I've never had that close of an experience with someone I love dying. Sure, I've had plenty of friends die from cancer or such, but I'm never with them when they die... I never see them before they are taken off of life support. I've never dared to. I never wanted to, I never want to.

I'm not asking for sympathy. I know you think you understand, but everyone experience loss differently. This is my loss and you've had yours. I don't need to be comforted. I've accepted what happened and I'll be okay. I just needed to write it all down somewhere... where someone could read it, and experience it. I needed to let someone know what happened. So thank you, whoever might be reading this. Thank you for letting me heal.

It'll be alright again.

Erika

Ouch.

Ugh. You know, I don't mean to bring the world down. You know? But still. My heart hurts and I thought maybe here would be the place I could say something and not regret it. My best friend, my closest girl, my sister..... well, she's been in the hospital for a few weeks. She was in a car accident. It was raining, the streets were wet. She slipped up and crashed into a light pole. Head on. On the drivers side. I can't. I can't. The night I got that call I bawled, bawled. The call came around 1am. I don't think I slept at all that night. It was the night before Chris Young.

She's been in a coma since then, every day declining in health rapidly. The doctors and her parents agreed that if her heart stopped beating, they wouldn't want to revive her. It felt to me as though they were giving up on her. But you wonder, you know, if really, they would want to be revived, if they're doomed to a life of never being what they used to.

My baby girl was pronounced brain dead this morning at 4:23 am. I'm out of town, in a hotel room with my father. I can't cry. I can tell anyone how much I'm hurting. All I want to do is break down and I can't. I can't do that.

Maybe it's for the best. Maybe she's happy. But I'm not. I'm dying. I hurting like I've never hurt before. "It's like a death inside the family, like she stole my way to breathe."

Erika.

Drownded Rats.

Sometimes, stuff happens. Call it what you will. We all know what I'm talking about. And life happens. But sometimes that's okay (:

We've been out of town since Monday, my dad and I. We flew into Boston International and then drove an hour or so up to Portsmouth, NH. We drove along the coast through Maine a little bit, got some of the BEST ice cream IN THE WORLD in Kittery, ME. Checked into our hotel and spent the night on a private beach. We then drove down to Salem, MA and ate lunch at the Seaport Cafe. BEST Clam Chowder.... and I've had a lot of chowder (Chow - daaaaaa) in my life. Dad says I've always talked like I'm a mix between a Michigan Native and a New England Convert. Don't worry, I have no idea what that means either.

We then checked into our hotel in Boston, right on the waterfront. We went to the airport to return our rental car, since we didn't need it in Boston, and then took the water taxi back to our hotel. We went and ate dinner and desert in the lounge, watched AGT, and w ate breakfast, then stuck around our hotel until noon for the Blue Angels Air Show.. AWESOME. Saw the USS Constitution. Ate lunch down the street while the Angels were still flyinext we went down to the Museum of Science where our Duck Tour was departing from. We took an eighty minute tour, and it was SO great. Favorite part of the trip so far.

We came back for dinner at the lounge and then took a little nap because I was SOOO tired. We then went down to the Harbor (haaabaaaaar) to see the fireworks. We got up on the Lincoln Street Bridge and were there for about an hour when we were evacuated off the bridge because of lightning stroms. We then decided to go back to our hotel and just watch the fireworks on TV. We then found we could watch the fireworks from our hotel window, so we watched those with the music on the TV program in the background. It was SOO great. Right as the fireworks started, it began POURING rain. SOOO cool. I was glad we were inside, but after the fireworks I made my dad go outside with me to stand in it and smell it - Summer rain is the BEST.

We are moving on to CT and RI tomorrow. Then fly to GA on Sunday. Update you more later- Happy Birthday AMERICA!!!

Erika

EHK

MYSONGWITHKATIEISFINALLYPRODUCED.

So.

Yeah.

Big day.

For those of you that don't know, a few months ago I tweeted a Youtube recording of one of my original songs to a famous country female artist, Katie, and her producer called me a few days later and asked if they could produce it on their next album. UM. YEAH.

So since then I haven't heard much about the song.... and then..... today, I went out to get the mail... and there was a package... from Red River Studios.... AND THE STUDIO TRACK OF MY SONG WAS IN THERE.

I bawled. BAWLED.

Dreams come true!!!!

With love,
Erika

We Laughed Until We Cried

Ahhhhh. You know. Life is really good. Really good. It can't be perfect, but it's really good. Yup. Why? Because I finally saw her. Spent the night with her. My angel, my beautiful Vivian. Just thinking about her makes me smile. We went and saw Chris Young last night. I was so afraid she wasn't going to be able to make it again. We met up in the lobby of the Marriott hotel behind the Gallivan Center, and sitting there waiting for her, I was just praying, and praying, and praying that she would come. I was looking through our texts when my dad said he saw her, and looking up, there she was, black hat, sunglasses, in all of her glory. Said I looked cute - victory moment there. We walked around to the front of the plaza and got it, walked around for a bit then went to listen to one of the opening acts. Then we went and she got some food and a Coke, and walked around a little more. She kept trying to get me to eat but I was too excited to think about food.
We went back to the stage and found a spot to sit on the grass near the back of the venue. We sat and listened to Jon Pardi and Due West for a little while. We talked about how I'm coming with the whole singing thing and asked about my guitar. I told her, you know, I haven't played in months, maybe even close to a year now. She kept telling me I need to keep doing guitar. But being the person I am, I told her it's not worth it since I'm not good at it, and totally lied and said I didn't like it anymore.
Later on Due West performed When the Smoke Clears. Ugh. Last time I heard that, well, you don't want to know. But it's a special song that strikes a unhealed wound pretty hard. I sat and hugged her, because it was all I could do to keep from crying, and I didn't want to cry. She said I seemed awfully heavy, and asked what was wrong. Me, being Little Miss who you are is so much more than you like to talk about, just stared at the ground and hugged her, because I knew, if I started telling her what was on my mind, I would break. And I wasn't gonna cry. So she just kept talking to me. Saying she keeps wondering what I'm missing. There's a part of me missing. I told her usually that part lies with her. But even when I'm with her, she's right, I don't feel complete. I never feel complete these days. She asked me if I knew what it is I'm missing, and I think I do, but for now, I told her I'd let her know when I find it.
When Chris Young finally took the stage we went to the front of the venue and got a spot behind a bunch of tall people... so I could only see when this lady in front of me shifted spots, which wasn't often. It was okay though. All I cared about is being with her. We just sat there and hugged. Just hugged. Or held hands. Or something. Oh man, we were living. You know, most of the time, I'm the one hanging on her. But last night, there was one time, when she went ahead and put her arms around me. Instead of me putting my arms around her. That felt really good. Really, really good. Amazing, really. It just felt for a moment like she'd always be there for me, and always care.
When the concert was over she drove me to my grandparents house because she lives a few minutes away, and my dad could pick me up from there. She held my hand the entire drive. Almost a full 30 minutes, we sat, and sang, and held hands. That's the one thing I will always remember about last night. Not the concert. Not the music. Not the food or the dreams or the conversations. I'm gonna remember that time I spent with her. Just her. And whatever song was blaring on the radio. I barely looked at her the drive home, because whenever I did, I would think about leaving, and then I would feel myself start to shut down again, and cry. She makes me feel so alive. I hate leaving her.
We pulled into my grandparents drive and we just sat there staring at each other for a minutes. She told me to not look at her that way, because it would make her cry. I just laughed because I was on the edge of tears myself. We went inside and my dad hauled me out of there so fast it hurt. It was the fastest goodbye I've ever been a part of. She promised me she'd come see me sometime this week if she wasn't out of town. I made her promise, she said she'd be there. Later, when she texted me after I left, she said she was so excited to see me soon. Do you know how happy that makes me? That she doesn't hate spending time with me? On the ride home the Jason Aldean song We Laughed Until we Cried came on. I guess you can't hold back tears forever because that's when I lost it. I just kept thinking, you know, that's us. We laugh until we cry.
I got home that night around midnight and went straight to my room, grabbed my guitar and ran outside so I wouldn't wake the house. I played it for the first time in months, and sat there and sobbed. You know. I owe so much to that girl. She's the reason I still believe in myself, believe in my dreams.
I've often referred to Vivian as a mother to me, but you know, she's so much more than that. She's the most amazing person I've ever met. She's strong, she's brave, she's committed, she's everything I look up to. I hope she knows that. I hope she knows how much she means to me. How much I love her. I love her more than I could ever say. She's so beautiful, so perfect. I love her. I can't wait to see her again. I can't wait. She's my girl. My beautiful girl that truly loves me.

With Love, as always,
Little Miss Erika